Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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