well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
