my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
