i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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