Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
