So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
