Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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