So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
