And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
