How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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