Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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