Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
