He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
