I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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