adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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