SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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