i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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