shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
