Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
