I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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