Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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