He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
