I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
