do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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