I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
