You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
