can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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