K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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