somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
