I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
