i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
