Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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