is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
