oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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