I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my phone needs a breathalizer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
