Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
