Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Pooping to opera.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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