when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
