dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pants are for mortals
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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