Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
