I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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