The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
