i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
