I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
