You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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