No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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