remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
