fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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