I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
