Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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