her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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