Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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