No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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