Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
