I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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