im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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