Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
