i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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