I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
