were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I look better un-naked...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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