Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
