Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
