I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
