Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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