apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
