dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
